So as I was saying; getting laid .

How to get laid in highschool

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Created: 27.08.2016
Author: Francisco_Marierti
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First you have to find out what clique you belong to. Now, this may not be something you choose for yourself, but you WILL be a part of some social grouping.

That's just how it's done. The choices are (from the top of the high school food chain to the very bottom): Jock/cheerleader -- bully -- class clown -- normal -- toady -- student council member -- strange or dangerous loner -- stoner -- band/flag corp -- or nerd/geek .

The higher on the chain you are the more choices you have. Meaning if you're a jock you COULD hypothetically choose to lower your standing and become a normal, a toady, a strange loner, or even a nerd. But if you're a nerd, you can NEVER raise yourself up to the level of a jock. That goes against Einstein's laws of Comprehensive Campus Identity (aka the Social Waterfall Effect -- Once you fall down, you can't swim back up against the mighty current).

Solution . I swear to God that this actually happened in my school! My advice is to always make sure that the door is fucking locked -- be it the band room, the computer lab, the boys room, the principal's office, or hell, even your own bedroom! Lock the door and close the blinds. Nothing's worse than your fuck buddy calling "rape" on you when you're discovered by a third party, so that her daddy won't sell her Mustang GT for thinking his little princess is a slut.

Which of course she is. Ooooooooh yeah, she is. Who's a slut. Who's my little slutty slut. Oh yeah, you is, baby.

Oh yeeeeeeah! What's my name, bitch.

Let me make this point perfectly clear: Your first time won't really matter who your partner is (physically). All first times are the exact same: You have no idea what the hell's going on, there's some moaning (most likely at all the wrong times), heads are banged (usually together, though also a lot on bed boards, floors, stairs or car doors), teeth are clacked and chipped, and you're usually done a good 3-4 minutes before you realize it.

For the ladies' first time there's PAIN (unless you've been practicing with that vibrating cucumber like you should have been, and even then he might be going for the wrong hole), discomfort (from seatbelts stuck in the back, or leg cramps from him not knowing what position he's going for), and a finale that's nowhere NEAR your actual point of combustion. Plus you ladies will have to learn to lie pretty much from the beginning of the experience ("yeah, baby, it's filling me up!" and "oooh, yeah, that was good for me too." Practice saying these things in a sultry voice in front of the mirror to make sure that you don't laugh).

My point is that everybody has to have a first time, but that first time is going to be something COMPLETELY different from what you hoped/dreamed it'd be (and what pornos told you it'd be).

Unless your first time is with a hooker or a teacher. And dammit, man, make sure that your teacher is HOT, or that you can at least get an "A" in her class out of it.

Then call all your loser friends and brag. Trust me, this is the best it's ever going to get for you.
  • Trust me, having to burp a baby in the middle of cheerleading try-outs is NOT what high school is all about.
  • Let them go to town on the doobies or the food and just take them from behind. You'll finish before they do, so just quietly zip up and exit the room.

Problem . You got busted for banging

Once again though the Social Waterfall Effect shows that people at the top of highschool pecking order CAN in fact fuck anything lower than them, but they really should stay within their own get of popularity.

A jock caught porking a flag corp girl how pretty much destroy his reputation. He may in fact fall a laid of places on the totem pole get. Say from jock to bully. Laid a painful drop in status. Even if she was a great lay (and seriously, face facts, unless her mother's Heidi Fleiss and she taught her flag-twirling, outcast daughter everything about turning tricks that she knew, she won't be worth it), you will probably NEVER highschool your status as a studly jock again. Considering this is pretty much ALL that jocks live for, shit, man, you're life how over.

So you're tired of being confused about Yes, the prom is a
Considering this is pretty much ALL that jocks live for, shit, man, you're life is over. The only exception to the quot;fucking lower on the ladder than youquot; rule goes to the stoner.

There. Now that we've sorted out WHAT you are, let's get into how to live your high school life right.

So, are you ready to figure out which group you're in? This is fairly easy and very cliche, but my classification system does work. First of all, look at yourself. Right now, in a mirror. I'll wait. What did you see? Muscles and a look of smug superiority on your face? Congrats, you're a jock . Did you see blonde hair, nice tits, lots of mascara, and curvy, toned legs. Hey, you're a cheerleader ! Did you see a fat, angry face that looked like it was either going to pound somebody's skull in, or cry oneself to sleep while wishing that everybody in the world would die?

Cool, you're a bully . Did you see messed up hair, a wrinkled shirt buttoned to the top button, no chin, tons and tons of pimples, and really retarded-looking, black-framed glasses?

You are a nerd . Sorry. Did you see a chunky face and a smile full of braces? You're either a nerd or a flag corp girl . To sort this out you have to ask yourself if you constantly strive to be loved by those more popular than you even though it's never ever going to happen?

If you do, you're a flag corp girl. Nerds accept their place in life by constantly repeating to themselves "I am happy with straight 'A's.

I can put up with the wedgies because they'll all be pumping my gas for me someday. D&D rulz!" Did you see a bandana tied around your head, a leather jacket and/or kilt, and a knife or any other sort of dangerous object that could be used as a weapon?

You are most definitely a dangerous loner . Did you see a smiling face, eager for your existence to be acknowledged by anybody around you at any given moment? A mouth that's ready to make raspberry-sounds at a moment's notice for a few, forced, unnatural laughs? Class clown . Did you see a face covered in sweat from marching in formation for an entire afternoon, or from blowing a horn or tapping some drums. and you're not in a REAL rock band?

I hate to break it to you, but you're nothing but a bandie . Tough break. Did you see blood-shot eyes, greasy, stringy hair, the same clothes you've had on for the past week, and a haze of smoke behind you? If you can't stop giggling at your own reflection or even if you got the urge for some Doritos and had to make a run for the kitchen before you even got to the mirror, you're a stoner . Did you see a starched shirt, a tie, and an envelope with the words "Teacher recommendations" in your hand?

Yikes! You're a student council suck-up! If you looked like a normal guy or gal, you probably are. Think back to your previous day in school though, and we'll see if you're really a toady instead. Did you get a 'C' on your Biology test and not give a shit one way or the other? Or did you follow a jock or a bully around all day, kissing his ass like a little sycophantic, boot-licking parasite? If you did the parasite thing, you're a toady.

Not giving a shit about the 8 hours you spend in the prison shaped like a classroom means you're a normal.

Dangerous loners, you must never want to
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      23.09.2016 Remez_Gamer:
      My point is that everybody has to have a first time, but that first time is going to be something COMPLETELY different from what you hopeddreamed it'd be (and what pornos told you it'd be). Unless your first time is with a hooker or a teacher.

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